<p style=”text-align: left;”><img class=”alignleft” src=”http://straightfacecomics.com/avatar/matt_avatar80.jpg” border=”2″ alt=”" width=”80″ height=”80″ /> My new roomate Richard, this weekend, said that he more defines himself by the things he hates than the things that he’s interested in.  He said this while we were at a post moving day dinner.  He proceed to order a burger all business, meat, cheese, ketchup, hold the fun.  I on the other hand like just about a little bit of everything and will give just about anything a go, at least once.

The reality of the situation is, that if I did have to pick off the top of my head one thing that I did hate that I felt helped define my person, I’d say I hate reality television.  Don’t leave just yet, if you enjoy reality television, I don’t hate you, because well I can’t hate everyone, it would kind of defeat the purpose of putting out comics.  I do promise that I get enough reality television intake to make more comics about the subject.  I’ll catch some at a friend’s house occasionally and my girlfriend loves a couple of them.

Off the top of my head I can think of two “reality” based shows that I do like, so I guess I’m already a liar.  I like stuff like Mythbusters and Man Vs Food.  And I really want to like Ace of Cakes.  Man vs Food and Mythbusters I know you’re saying ‘Geek stuff and Food stuff, I’ve seen your comic caricatures and that friend makes sense, and frankly why not a little cake to go with that fatty?’  Chef Duff seems cool.  I could see myself having drinks and bullshitting about music, our mutual hatred for cupcakes, or whatever.  The cakes they make, well quite a few of them are ingenious–I myself love building things and knowing how they work.  The car engine cake (I couldn’t find a video so you get Harry Potter Cake) he made for Leno was the bees knees.

I just hate the fake drama that goes on.  The building music, the long cuts to commercials about hair dye for the ladies at the end of the show before the reveal–that and the show is deliberately cut to show an out of proportion amount of pained expressions on people’s faces.  I have a new title for the show–Oh fuck not again: Will they or won’t they be able to fit the cake in the car/truck/elevator/fat kid?   I heard Chef Duff fired a guy for bringing a tape measure to work once.

Then you have Mythbusters, when something doesn’t work out, they just blow a cement mixer into the fucking sky. Man vs Food is about eating the biggest damn plate of food(or several) a restaurant serves in a time limit while not blowing chunks, that’s drama a fat man can get behind.  I root for that crazed pudgy bastard every step of the way.  When Adam dies of a coronary and someone else replaces him I will mourn him.  He must work out the other six days a week to stay in as good of shape as he’s in.

At my core though, there is one constant about reality television that I enjoy.  When something awful happens to someone I giggle, we all do.  This is what they signed up for when they agreed to be on film, for there misery to bring me, Matt, the customer,  joy.  I remember when I found out that American Idol was going to have people that sort of have talent on it.  I stopped watching as soon as the auditions were over.  So I guess the best diagnossis for me is to watch one of the week in review shows like The Soup.  And before you stop to argue that reality television isn’t awful, just remember now we reference Flava Flav, again. AND we’re not even talking about his giant retarded clock.  Now we talk about how retarded the girls are that were heartbroken by him, or the fact that he looks like a fucking gremlin.  I know you’ve seen the photo.