You got your American Idol on your TV, your seven children have had their Mighty Kids Meals, you know your Trucknutz are still hanging with care from your raised 4×4, yet for some reason you just can’t get comfortable.  Your blanket, it’s all tucked in on one side you can’t reach your Cheetos.  You my friend need a Snuggie.  If you’re starting a cult serendipitously enough they come in cultist maroon.

Again I say the end is nigh.  It’s only a short time before people start wearing omni-outfits so they can be fat, comfortable and buy them in bulk.  I’ve already been seeing it on the streets of Orange County for some time: High Fashion Track Suits.  I admit to being slovenly–I wear sandals a lot.  I like to think that I draw the line somewhere.  That line is at the Snuggie.  It’s a slippery slope though one day I might wake up and feel the need for a blanket with fucking arm holes in it.  Speaking of which, I hear that if you have sex through the arm hole of a Snuggie you can’t get pregnant.  You’re an armhole.  Armhole: It’s a worm hole that warps your arm through space and time to find a remote control and chips.  Fuck it I’m getting one.

-Matt