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Don gets ready for Straight Face Comics first Con. And he walks that path alone. The one blue ninja–boothless–to seek fame and fortune. He is Donald Poquiz.
Today’s strip is based on somewhat real life events. Normally I do most of the talking with you guys Don will duck in with an occasional comment or occasional strip idea, but for the most part he doodles in the shadows. On Thursday the Con opens and I cannot attend. Don puffed up he practiced some angles he was shaping his mind to give those in the webcomic industry the networking experience of their lives.
Then one slight snafu. Don cut his tongue. He wouldn’t tell me why or how so I was forced to make it up. Above you see the results. Not only will he have to go and network with a new found speech impediment, I’ve had to listen to him talk this way on the phone all week.
Don will actually be printing and giving Scott Kurtz a signed copy of this comic. Part of me hops things go well and Scott laughs at it and it works as a nice ice breaker. The other half of me hopes that he’s creeped out by Don. Either way Don will be reporting back to you with comic con events on Monday. If you have not heard of Kurtz he draws a webcomic called PvP hosts a weekly podcast on webcomics and wrote a snazy book on the subject. I consider it essential reference material if you care to write or produce webcomics.
For any of you who participated in our Links for Avatars promotion, you still will be receiving said avatars. We’ve just had a lot of extra stuff associated with getting our promo items done in time with comic con. The printer fucked up some of the proofs so Don had to go back again tonight. So we’re sorry for the delay, but even more sorry that the printer is a retarded fuckhead.
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Ah to be young and 18 again. I’ve been a little more than nostalgic, with my most recent annual Matt Celebration taking place this last Tuesday. When I was 18 I watched Almost Famous the day I finished reading Stephen King: On Writing–that was it for me–I was going to be published by the time I was 27.
Let’s skip ahead 10 years: in my procrastination limbo, with these here Straight Face Comics, I’ve slipped under that goal line with zero seconds to go. I’m not in print yet. That violent vampire novel is still collecting dust, but here I am writing jokes while one of my closest friends draws them. We’ll be four months old in another week or so. I hope the comedy is getting better or at least consistent. It’s been fun to watch the art get better with just about every strip.
If you’ve ever wanted to do something creative with your life, set a schedule and devote part of your day to it. You’ll thank yourself even if you’re awful. Creation is like sex, or is sex creation? Either way I recommend both regularly. Even if you have to hire a prostitute to paint for you. I call mine Don and he’s working out fine so far.
For those of you that haven’t heard, if you link to us via forum or blog we will, in fact, draw you a picture that you can use as an avatar of your very own. Don right now is putting a lot of prep work into our fliers for the SD Comic Con, but we will get them to you soon. For those of you that would still like one we have a few left. I’m not sure on the exact number, I just got in from a 4 day tour de force in Northern California, but I think we have a little less than 10 left.
Today’s comic is one of many reasons while I’ll never be tapped to write the next best romantic comedy. This is as close to writing romantic fiction I’ll ever get. In my day to day relationship with the wonderfully patient Tina similar awful things tend to spew forth from oafish filterless Matt. Lucky for me often times, she just laughs. Before the ladies reading the site burn me alive, I did get her permission to post the comic.
A lot of webcomic creators often talk about gaining an audience–they suggest you talk about selling yourself as a person, and let people get to know you. Maybe my day to day inner workings are best left unwritten and perhaps you’d rather remain a stranger. I’m not sure. I’ll keep writing these until some sort of court order gets involved. Special thanks to Tina for putting up with my funnybook making ass and being willing to laugh at this strip–while giving me a dirty look.
Looks like we’re a good cop away from a good cop/bad cop buddy comedy. Jeff Goldblum despite Twitter’s 100 percent accuracy rating is still alive. If you hadn’t heard some douche reported that he was dead. This subject then was twatted about until it forced itself into truthiness. With great tweets comes great responsibility friends. If you’re going to start a rumor make it a funnier one–perhaps talk about how Shamwow Vince killed himself drinking a gallon of Kaboom because he couldn’t live without Billy Mays’ competition. Goldblum falling off a cliff isn’t funny he wouldn’t even have time to be befuddled before he smacked open on the rocks.
As of today, if you’d like an avatar of yourself drawn in the Straight Face Comics style simply promote us, then tell us about it. If you’re already linking to us in your blog/forums etc send us a link. Even if if you post us up on a college bulletin board email me a picture of it. The first twenty people to promote us like this will get an avatar. Avatars will be sent to you in either 200×200 or 100×100 jpeg formats. If you have a specific/strange requirement let us know and we’ll try to accommodate it. To accomplish this you’ll need to email us a picture of your face(or whatever face you’d like on your avatar) for Don to draw from once we’ve viewed your link/picture/Official SFC Trucknutz.
Send Submissions to matt@straightfacecomics.com
Some news: If you did not see our special Don Illustrated/Matt written edition of Addanac City mosey on over here. Thanks and welcome to everyone from Addanac that came over and checked out our stuff–especially those of you who commented.
I imagine if I had my own cult of followers, that acted exactly like me, I’d get irritated pretty quick. I’m kind of a snarky jerk. Thus concludes our cultist series. We have another multiparter coming up for you guys in another week or two.
We have some news! We did a guest comic for another webcomic artist, George Ford, he is currently on a costal move to California from Virgina. This will display on his site tomorrow (Friday the 3rd). It will be here. If you’re hooked into our Twitter and/or Facebook I’ll do my best to remind you. It’s a crossover with our characters and his, so consider it a bonus comic.
A note about the Gundam reference in the comic if you haven’t seen the real deal check it out, it’s really amazing!
Today’s comic continues our cultist series, ties in with Independence Day, and even opens us up for a review of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I’m not going to go into one of my huge long in depth reviews simply because this film doesn’t warrant it. It is what it is. If you enjoy watching Michael Bay trying to outdo himself and blow shit up in bigger and better ways you’ll most likely enjoy the movie. The caveat is if you are expecting other typical movie elements, such as plot, acting, or plausibility you’re probably not going to enjoy this film. I can enjoy it on the same level that I enjoyed Shoot Em Up. I went in for action and Robots punching each other. There was even bonus Decepticon Trucknutz. You earned my doll hairs Michael Bay. I know the fans of our Trucknutz strip are upset we didn’t do a comic about it, but our friend Joel over at Hininks Ensue beat us to the robot junk punch.
Only two things got in the way of my efficient enjoyment of robots punching each other. One: There’s a point in the movie where Optimus is stabbing a robot larger than himself that’s rolling down the streets of China, while on top of it, awesome right? Until he bellows: “Pull over!” My eyes rolled so hard it was gangster. Two: In the end desert fight sequences, all the Decepticons with the exception of like two look exactly like baby Megatrons–I dub them Chrome Shirts. Iron Hide kills what looks to be the same Decepticon 15 times. Other than that, robot killing action is had. I give this sucker a D+ as a film over all. C+-B- if you curve the grade to just include Michael Bay films. It’s like watching a grown man play out the childhood trauma of never being allowed to light fireworks on the 4th–not even a sparkler. So remember this 4th if you let your child stay safe and sane, odds are he’s going to make a 200 Million Dollar blockbuster with no substance–or a webcomic about a giant robot flipping the bird. It’s a cointoss really.
Firstly, the reviews are in. Darren over at The Movie Blog reviewed us, check it out here! Thanks again Darren for pouring through the Archives and taking the time.
On to the Blog:
“They say the nicest things about you when die. Your popularity goes straight up when you die. They say the greatest things that can be said. They’ll even make stuff up if they have to. ‘Well, he was a real asshole but he meant well.’ ‘He was a well meaning asshole.’” -George Carlin
“Francisco Franco is still dead.” -Chevy Chase
Day 5, Michael Jackson is still dead. There’s no amount of one gloved clapping that’s going to change this. Yet all weekend long we’re still hearing breaking news about it. And when I say it, I mean the most famous corpse currently above ground. If you really liked Michael, I understand, no one likes to see one of their favorite entertainers go. My major annoyance here is with the media and how they’re grinding one last scandal from his bones. They’re so trained that the Pavlovian Response to Michael Jackson having a heart attack under the care of his personal cardiologist (something a rich person prone to heart attacks might have) was to stand in front of the LA coroner’s office waiting for the dirt. Worst of all is the tone of these reports. The somber ‘We’re going to miss Michael attitude. This death is a grave loss to humanity’ (pun intended). These same reporters a year or two ago were reporting about how he looked like Captain Crunch in his zany outfits in court, while painting him as a child molester with a thick coat of subtext.
I’m no saint, you’ve seen my David Carradine Comic and you’ve just read this one. I made fun of MJ while he was alive, and even though he’s dead, and I really enjoy Thriller, I don’t plan on either of those stopping me from poking a little fun. My attitude hasn’t changed, he’s a very talented very weird guy. I liked Axl Rose in the 80s and 90s too, that doesn’t mean I want to party with his ass.
I actually wasn’t going to do this comic because I thought too many people would be tackling this subject. Two things changed my mind, everyone I knew either let me know they knew what Monday’s comic was about or were giving me MJ comic ideas. I’ve never gotten emails and calls about potential comics before, thanks guys especially Chris and Travis for your input. Secondly when I got home from work on Friday my local news let me know they were going to continue their MJ coverage for the next hour and would be reporting back live from the LA coroner’s office.
And if you miss him, here’s the sincerest tribute you’ll find on the web. If it’s your first day on the internet and you haven’t seen the original it’s here.
We at The Straight Face are not heartless ogres born of stone and ill will. Today we bring you a magical father-son moment to help you celebrate with that special father figure in your life be he animal, vegetable, or mineral. Let’s hope he’s made of diamonds and not potatoes though–who wouldn’t trade their dad in for a diamond statue of him? I like to think that just before he turned to diamonds that he’d be happy about being immortalized, or really scared of dying. While the second choice is less valuable artistically I bet you could put him in your front yard so the neighbor kids thought you had some diamond transmogrifying basilisk in your yard. Until some rapper steals him and takes him apart to create a diamond shell for his skin. Good luck with that man.
Next year you should probably just get a bottle of scotch, drink half, and pour the rest out on his grave. That way things don’t get out of hand like they did this year. Happy Father’s Day from The Face.
While Matt, Don, and Jeremy will remain around for the long haul, we’ve been having fun writing some less structured comics this last week or two. We have a back stock of about eight of these suckers. So we thought we’d showcase a couple for you guys this week while we wait anxiously for Cthulhu to bestow on our chest a big enough piece of Don to cast a Scroll of Resurection on. Does anyone have a 500gp gem they can mail me? I promise to only use it for good.
The Natal seems to promise a lot. But first and foremost it promises to make you look like a super aggressive retard while playing. Be prepared to explain to the cops that you were just playing a video game. You remember when you taught your mom to play Super Mario Bros and she would jerk the controller into the air to make him jump higher? Well that’ll work now–so that’s cool.
I have a hard time believing that the sensors will work well enough for precision. I think like the wii, it may become a fad. It’ll be profitable but the type of games that will be developed won’t be in a serious gamer’s collection other than for when guests come over ie Wii Fit Tennis etc.
On the other spasming hand, if pulled off correctly we could have some amazing innovations. When Virtual reality was first mentioned as gamers our fantasies were much further ahead that the games. We imagined other worldly landscapes to explore, a sandbox of breaking shit fighting off mythical and zombie hordes alike. What we got was 30lbs of Virtual Boy. I hope you like red. This could finally be a way to succeed where many have failed–just do us a favor and invent a quality visor monitor so that we don’t have to watch each other flail like a dying porpoise on the deck of a ship. When the first co-op dungeon delving hack and slash game comes out for the Natal I may shit a 20-sided die the size of a brick. I’m very skeptical but very hopeful of where we’re headed. Plus I think this is just the kind of spark that it would take to get the adult toy industry into video game development.
Here’s a video demonstration with Jimmy Fallen(I’m sorry the orange jumpsuits made me link it) in it. I hope you don’t have to be in Beastie Boys Jumpsuits in order play the thing. I’d say for the statistic guys, you’re going to look like a fifty percent bigger jackass than you do playing a Wii.
I wrote last Thursday’s comic when I sat down Wednesday to write the blog for this one. I really wasn’t sure which was funnier, usually when I have two ideas for a webcomic I can pick one, but here I liked them both so you’re getting both. I was hoping there would be some further news on the David Carradine investigation so I’d have more to talk about here but no go.
Just remember if you’re going to choke your elf while you choke yourself be safe¹. Perhaps have a spotter. If the comic doesn’t work out I suppose I can always go get a CPR card and get a job as the world’s first Auto-erotic Asphyxiation Spotter. Technically it’s not just paying some dude to watch you jerk of, it’s paying some dude to watch you jerk off safely. Dear lord, I can’t wait to see what Google Adsense picks for this cute little blog. Remember folks, jerk often and jerk safe. Your body may be an amusement park, but be sure to pull the lap bar all the way down.
¹ “Your elf” was originally a type-o for “yourself” I left your elf because it made me laugh.